One thing that has changed for me since starting my journey of recovery is facing my fears and trying new things. I still hesitate and have to talk myself into it, but now I get there. Swallow the fear and pride and just do it! And I’m glad that I do. I have found some fun new things that I enjoy as well as have met some really great people along the way in my new endeavors.
So, last weekend I decided to branch out at the gym and try out the rock wall. What a blast! I actually took the “on belay” class and learned how to tie the knots and belay another person. I can take a little test and be certified! I learned how to tie a figure-8 knot, stopper knot, the difference between a dressed or undressed knot, and how to work the grigri belay device (my instructor climbed the wall with knots that I prepared and he survived while I worked the belay). All very interesting.
Then came the fun part. At Life Time Fitness they have an auto belay system. The auto belay collects slack in the rope as you are climbing the wall and lets you down safely when you are done. No other person is required while you climb. I watched several people auto belay while I was taking my class. Then came my turn. The instructor encouraged me to start on the easiest wall … the kiddie wall. 🙂 So I set about the task of going up the wall. About half way up I looked down. Shouldn’t do that. Yikes. Eye on the prize … looking back up, I kept going. I actually got to a point where I wasn’t real sure where to put my feet to get that final push to the top. I clung to the wall for a few minutes. Just holding on – moving my feet around until I finally got everything situated for that last push … made it! I looked down again. AHH! Now I’m supposed to trust this thing to hold me and just let go?! You’ve got to be kidding me. But what did I expect? Really? I knew what I was getting myself into when I started up the wall. Why was it so hard now to do what I knew I had to do to get down? The only way out is to let go and trust.
Have you ever been in a situation like this where you know the only solution is to let go? Whether it be a relationship, a job, a house, a child, an expectation, a secret, a hurt or resentment … we all come to these decision points in our lives. Do I hold on to this and continue getting hurt or do I let it go? The longer I hold on to my resentments the more bitter I become. Do I want to continue in this misery? The longer I hold onto unhealthy relationships the worse they become and I lose myself in codependant people-pleasing behaviors. Do I want to continue trying to be someone I’m not? The longer I hold onto this expectation, the more I am disappointed and frustrated. Do I want to continue holding others to such a standard that drives us all crazy? The longer I hold onto this secret the more it consumes and isolates me. Do I want to continue living in this dark and lonely place? Fill in the blanks for your own life …
Well, I let go of the top of the rock wall – and you know what I experienced? Freedom! I actually flew like an eagle (in my head anyway). It was so fun and exhilarating! So much so, that I had to do it again!
I’ve also learned to let go of my hurts, some unhealthy relationships, my secrets and many other things that I held tight to. And do you know what God did? He taught me how to forgive, He taught me how to trust Him more, He restored those relationships that I let go of, He released me from shame, gave me courage, restored and healed my heart. He fills my emptiness — He has become my everything. Which in turn allows me to see and love others more like Him. It’s still a process, mind you, I’m not perfect. People still make me a little crazy sometimes – but now I know how to regroup and refocus.
Do you need some help in your journey? Call out to God, He hears you and He responds to your need. He is compassionate and cares for you. Find a CR group near you for safe and compassionate help … http://www.celebraterecovery.com/
I called and the Lord heard me; He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Ps 34:17,18)