I realized today that I have a fear of intimacy. I friend of mine showed this to me … the more I thought about it, the more I realized that they were right. Starting with something as simple as a hug. Some people, I’ve noticed like to give long hugs. I don’t understand the point of it but was told it’s a matter of intimacy. Oh. I usually just slide off to the side, pat, pat and move on. I didn’t even realize my pattern until it was pointed out.
As I thought about this though, I realize that I’m like this even in my relationship with Jesus. I give Him the side hug and then move on with my day. Hmmm…I knew I was missing something. But I am ready to learn more about this, to experience relationship on a deeper and more intimate level.
I’m excited about this. I’m also scared.
I feel like I’m in an airplane at 10,000 feet. I have on my parachute and am ready to jump out of the plane. There are risks involved. I could get hurt. The landing may be rough. BUT the thrill of the jump, the free fall, the gentle descent after the parachute deploys, the view, the freedom … these are the rewards. What an experience! Exciting and scary. I’m kinda hoping someone will just come up behind me and push, but I know that I need to go ahead and jump. Maybe someone will grab my hand and jump with me….
~Digging even deeper …